Thursday, May 20, 2010

Update

It's been a while since I wrote anything on this blog.  I guess I just wasn't in the mood.  But I do have some updates.

I started using the Estradiol gel about 6 weeks ago.  I'm supposed to apply it to the vestibule twice a day.  At first, I couldn't do it that frequently.  It burned and itched like crazy.  I was applying it three times on, one time off for a while, but it was still bothering me.  Finally, I called the doctor to find out if there was anything I could do to relieve the discomfort.  He told me to lower the frequency because the last thing he wanted was for it to become unbearable to me.  I asked him about using Vitamin E down there, but he said he really didn't want me putting anything down there except for the Estradiol.  So anyway, I don't know what happened, but it's like all I needed to do was talk to him and the irritation basically stopped!  It's so weird.  But it really doesn't bother me at all now.  So I've been applying it twice a day for several weeks now.  I guess I just needed to build up a bit of resistance for it.

On a possibly related note, you might remember that I was on my period (blah!) when I saw Dr. Goldstein 6 weeks ago, but the weird thing is that I haven't had my period since!  I stopped taking birth control about 9 months ago, but BC or no BC, my period has always been very regular.  I can only remember maybe one other time in my life when my period was this late.  Is it just a coincidence or could it be related to the fact that I'm putting hormone gel on my vagina?  If anything, I would think that the attempt to bring my hormone levels back to normal would help in making my period more regular because that's part of their job.  I dont' know, it's weird.  I keep feeling like I'm having cramps, so I put in a pad expecting it to start any minute, and then nothing.  I don't know what's going on with that.  In the back of my mind I'm thinking, okay well I'm going to Italy in a month so maybe if my period can wait another week or two I won't have to deal with it while I'm overseas.  But hey, do our periods ever choose the convenient option?  I don't think so!

On the emotional side, we are making slow, but steady, progress.  We have moved up to having genitals back in the picture.  Whoa!  It's been a long time.  We are doing what the therapist calls the "quiet hand".  This is where I place my husband's hand on the vagina area and he just rests it there.  No rubbing, no insertion of anything, it just lays there.  You wouldn't believe how emotional the first time made me.  It seems so simple, but it was really hard for me.  I don't know why.  I trust my husband completely; I knew he wouldn't go any further than what we agreed, but I was still scared.  I have built up some serious fear in my head through all of this.  After the first time we tried the quiet hand, I burst into tears.  At first I was disappointed that I didn't feel any kind of desirous feelings; even though I knew there was no possible way I would, it was still sad to me that I still can't feel that.  But we've done the quiet hand a couple more times and it's much better now.   Slow baby steps.

Lastly, Dr. G said that I wouldn't feel any difference with the Estradiol for at least 6 weeks.  Well it's been 6 weeks.  Sadly I do not feel any more horny at all.  I guess that part takes longer.  But I will say that my vagina is more moist these days.  Not a turned-on kind of moist, but just a general moistness.  So I guess that gel is doing something.

7 comments:

Sloan said...

It's amazing (though not surprising) to hear how emotional a touch "down there" can be after so long.
I'm not up to that step yet, but I'm going to start seeing psychologist very soon. How's the estradiol going?

Anonymous said...

Thanks for all your posts. My wife and i have been dealing with "pain down there" for 10 years now. We have seen countless dr's and are going to be going to Dr. G next week for the first time. With any luck it will help to move things in the right direction. Please keep up your posts it really helps to hear what others are doing and if what they are trying is working or not.

Thanks!!!

Anonymous said...

I was wondering if you had an more updates? I am planning to see Dr G in about four weeks and wanted to know if you feel your experience with his is worth it. I've heard some bad things about him and it kind of concerns me.

Thank you,
Erin

the girl with pain "down there" said...

Hi everyone, sorry I haven't responded to you all, but I've been in Italy for the past week! To the first anonymous, it's so nice to see a husband so invested in getting your wife well. I have great support from my husband too and it makes a huge difference.

To the 2nd anonymous, I have a follow-up appointment with Dr. G in July and I will definitely write a post after that. I heard a lot of scary things about him too, but at least for the first appointment (which I would say is the scariest one) he was very kind and supportive. He was definitely arrogant, but not a jerk. I hope that helps. I'll have to let you know later if it was worth it, meaning that I'm not fixed yet, but hopefully on the way.

To Sloan, the Estradiol is going well. It doesn't irritate me anymore like it did in the beginning. I have to admit that I keep forgetting to put it on while in Italy :/ ! The only difference I can tell so far is that my vagina seems to be more moist than before. Other than that, I can't really tell, but he said I could be on it for many months (it's been 2.5 so far)

Husband said...

This is anonymous1 again. We just got back from our first meeting with Dr. G. While i think Dr. G is very confident/arrogant, I do think he really knows his stuff. We have been to near a dozen Dr's over the last 10 years and I personally feel very good about his plan to help get my wife better. We got the same plan as the writer of this blog, so it will be interesting to see how our experience goes in comparison with hers as we are about 5-6 weeks behind. My wife is not as optimistic as i am but she has been seeing the various docs with no positive results and having to deal with the pain, and all of them were sure they knew what the problem was as well.

So my advice is go with an open mind. Be prepared to openly discuss all aspects of your pain/sex life/history. Don't take offense to his questions or his humor and expect to get his honest opinion on what he thinks is wrong. For example you may get an F bomb dropped here or there, but it is in context and not used attackingly. For example, "so you have been taking birth control for half of your life and f'ing up your hormones, this is going to take some time to reverse."

I felt it was a good step in the right direction as we were looking at a last resort of a major surgery for my wife and Dr. G is sending us a much easier way...

I will be watching this blog on a regular basis and would be glad to answer any other questions. My wife and I have discussed it may times that if we can help anyone else going through this we will.

Good luck.

the girl with pain "down there" said...

Husband,
I agree with your assessment of Dr. G. He can use some harsh language here and there, but it's really not offensive or insulting the way he uses it.

I can totally understand why your wife is not as optimistic as you are. It is so discouraging to go to so many doctors for so many years and to be told that either there's nothing wrong with you or they can't fix what's wrong with you. It really takes a toll. My husband is my constant cheerleader and it sounds like you are the same for your wife. That is so important and it makes me so happy that you are out surfing the internet trying to find ways to support her. I know she appreciates that more than she can even say. It makes a world of difference to have someone that is unwaveringly in your corner.

I'm going back to Dr. G. on Thursday so I'll write an update about that appointment.

I'm also going to see a psychiatrist tomorrow to try and get on some anti-anxiety drugs so I'll post about that as well. Should be super fun :/ .

Sarah said...
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