Monday, August 23, 2010

Another Sexy Game

If you're up to date you know that our therapist wanted each of us to find a sexy game online that we could play to increase our intimate times together without having sex.  I already wrote about the game I picked, Fun in Bed, so now I'm going to tell you about my husband's pick: A Hot Affair...with your partner.  This game had some similarities to the first - cards with different directives, but it was quite different overall.   It's a board game that uses cards.  There are three different levels - Intimate, Passionate, and Steamy - and you go through each level twice before progressing to the next one.  I do not want to do all the typing I did last time so I'm going to put a photo of the directions and hopefully you'll be able to read them.  

(Right here you should see a series of photos, but alas, they were too blurry and small for even the most committed of blog readers to make the effort to read; however I will attempt to show you a picture of the board:)

So, there are two players (obviously) and you have a "Go" spot that you start on.  The way you decide who goes first is by looking longingly into each other eyes and the last one to blink rolls the dice first.  Very cute.

There are different squares on the board that represent actions that you must take when you land on them:
-A heart with a 'T' in it means that you must have a treat
-A plain heart is kind of a wild card and you basically do whatever you want (we did things like tickle, my husband decided to inspect my yellow toenails (and by yellow I mean they were painted yellow), anything you want)
-A martini glass means you take a drink
-A high heel means that you strip off a piece of clothing (we found that we landed on this one more times than items of clothing that we had, so we decided to just keep reversing it; for example, my husband landed on that square when he was naked, so he put his underwear back on - we thought it was a funny twist)
-A heart with devil horns means that you must draw a card and you draw according to what level you are currently on (Intimate, Passionate, Steamy).

Examples of different cards:
Intimate: Hers - "What was the proudest moment in your life?  Ask your partner the same question and relive those special times."  His - "What does she think of men with tattoos?  You may already have some, in which case discuss where the most interesting place for your next one might be.  Ouch!  You cannot be serious!"

Passionate: Hers - "Pant, Pant.  Lick him through his underpants and see what stirs beneath!"  His - "Is that your pump, or are you just pleased to see me?  Recreate those magical days of love behind the garage.  Have a three-minute fumble with deep making out and wandering hands....but no actual sex!  Oh, the agony and the ecstasy!"

Steamy: Hers - "Turn yourself into an irresistible ice cream cone and invite him to eat you!  Lying down, put the ice cream on your nipples, between your breasts and in your navel."  His - "Give Me A Ring.  If your partner possesses some 'scrunchies' (things they use for bunching up hair), invite her to put one round the base of your erection so it's tight but comfortable.  Leave it there at least for your next two throws of the dice.

Every time you pass go, you pick a Fantasy Card.  You read it to yourself and it stands by.  You'll pass Go 5-6 times depending on whether you're the winner or not, and every time you get up to 3 Fantasy Cards, you have to let one go.  At the end of the game, the winner gets to choose between his/her 2 remaining Fantasy Cards and the couple plays out that fantasy.  Now, we are not having sex yet, nor are we emotionally ready for lots of sex-type things, so a lot of these fantasy cards were moot for us at this time, but may be on the table in the future.  My husband won and he chose the following Fantasy:

"There was once a beautiful young girl who took a job as a chambermaid at a nearby hotel.  She was poor and so low was the pay she was tempted into stealing from hotel rooms.  One day, she was caught taking money from a bedside drawer by a customer who had returned unexpectedly to his room during breakfast.  He was a handsome man with a kindly face, so the maid begged him not to report her, for she was certain to lose her job.  Lifting her skirt to reveal irresistible high-cut black panties, stockings and garter belt, she said she would do anything, anything, to stop the matter going any further.  And so the handsome gentleman took her at her word, and laid the matter to rest."

So we did act that out in our own non-intercourse kind of way.  It was fun (and funny).

Just to give you an idea of the ultra-kinkiness of this game, I will now quote another Fantasy Card that we did not act out, just for fun:

"Sucking Up To The Boss: Here you can either be the boss, or the staff member (!!)  The boss is giving an employee a performance appraisal...using some pretty unorthodox techniques.  First, oral communication: the boss walks around to the front of the desk, reveals the managerial genitalia and demands oral satisfaction from the confused employee.  Now the boss wants the employee to know what it feels like to be the boss - so places are exchanged and the oral performance is reversed.  Next the boss wants to see how the employee performs when their back is against the wall - a real test of character.  Standing naked against the wall, the employee must have full intercourse with the boss.  Afterwards, the conversation turns to large raises and exciting openings.  The appraisal has been a good one."


So that's my basic explanation of this game.  A lot of it is too advanced sexually for us at this time, but has a lot of potential for fun in the future.  However, I think that we could just play the first two levels and leave out the third level (steamy) for now, as well as pick and choose our Fantasy ending.  Also, to truly play this game the way it's intended, you need all kinds of props - drinks, food, sometimes chocolate that you melt to rub over someone's body, ice to rub on the genitalia (?!),etc.  We kind of brushed over some of the more time consuming things like that because we weren't really prepared for all that and the game still took about an hour and a half.  So you can really make the game whatever you want to make it.  Overall, it's a fun game, and the whole point is to spend intimate, sexy time together - mission accomplished.  We had a good time, we laughed, and we did lots of sexy things with each other.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Pelvic Yoga

I just finished doing this DVD call Pelvic Yoga with Kimberlee Bethany Bonura.  I am giving it a ringing endorsement!  I will recommend this DVD to anyone who is dealing with pelvic pain.  I am supposed to be doing yoga for stretching and doing kegels to strengthen my pelvic floor muscles.  I was searching on Amazon and I found this DVD.  It does just that!  It is a regular yoga practice with pelvic exercises mixed in.  Kimberlee has 4 different types of pelvic exercises (kegels) that she does:

1. quick flicks
2. 5 second holds
3. 10 second holds
4. elevator (clenching to 1st floor, 2nd, 3rd, then 4th - then going back down the elevator one floor at a time until fully released)

I felt like this DVD was really helpful and it is a serious pelvic floor workout.  In fact, if you don't do kegels every day like me, you might not be able to handle the 55 minute session of clenching and unclenching, but that's okay, because there's still a regular yoga practice going on.  You can choose how much you want to engage your pelvic muscles and when you feel that you've had enough.  Also for me, it's more important to focus on the "relax" than the "clench", so I just keep that in mind when I do this DVD.

My only complaint is that there was way too much Downward Dog (and you know how much I hate downward dog), but in Kimberlee's defense, most general yoga practice does include a lot of Downward Dog (it's actually kind of an essential part of yoga, darn it).  But with yoga, you always make it YOUR practice, so I did as much down dog as I could and then went into Child's Pose whenever I couldn't hold that dog anymore.

It was a great yoga practice and I really feel like any of you who are doing PT and lots of kegels would really benefit from this DVD.  I promise I do not know Kimberlee and will not be receiving any royalties from this endorsement!  I just really enjoyed it.

Friday, August 20, 2010

You know what riles me up?

That commercial for Seasonique birth control.

"Did you know?" 
"Did you know?"
"Did you know that you don't need a monthly period?"

When that commercial comes on I actually start yelling at the TV saying things like: 
Did you know that if you take birth control it will deteriorate your vagina? 
Did you know that sex will feel like sand paper?  
Did you know that you'll end up dreading and fearing sex?  
Did you know that you'll spend thousands of dollars and thousands of hours trying to fix what this birth control will do to you?
Did you know that your self esteem will go down the toilet?  
Did you know that you'll see countless doctors, getting more and more discouraged each time as one after the other tells you that there's nothing wrong and maybe you just need a glass of wine?
Did you know?"

They don't put that on the list of side effects.

Learning to Relax

Along my journey of healing my body and mind, I've found out that I just don't know how to relax.  At all.  Yeah I can sit in front of the TV for hours so I thought, hey, not only am I relaxed, but I'm often quite lazy.  But now I realize that I was never really relaxed sitting on that couch; not completely.

There are two types of relaxation - mental and physical.  And frankly, I suck at both.  I've been working really hard lately to learn how to relax (and believe me, I'm not lost on the frustrating oxymoron in that statement).

I honestly think that one of the major things in the way of me just making a full recovery and kicking this problem's ass is that I can't relax.  My mind is buzzing all the time with to do lists, worries, etc.  And my body is always clenched.

Last night I got a massage.  My doctor recommended that I get them regularly to RELAX (best doctor prescription ever).  I do love massages, but am I relaxed during them?  Well, sort of.  I try so hard to let my whole body just melt into the table (there's that annoying oxymoron again).  But I've noticed something each time I get a massage.  I can let my whole body melt into the table, except for two parts - my pelvic muscles (no surprise) and my hands.  I am constantly realizing during my hour-long massage that my hands are clenched as are my PC muscles.  And I have to consciously let them go over and over again.  I also have trouble relaxing my mind.  I'm supposed to focus on breathing and focus on whatever muscle the massage therapist is working on at the time.  I try, but I inevitably find my mind wandering to all sorts of different things - what's on my to do list tomorrow, which book should I check out from the library next, what should I do with my one week of remaining summer break?  I actually started composing this blog entry in my mind during my massage last night!  And in between all these thoughts, I'm like, hey!  Stop it!  You shouldn't be making lists or composing blog entries!  You're supposed to be relaxed - 'in the moment'.  And then I have to unclench my hands and my vagina once again.  And I go through this pattern during the whole massage.  I can get my mind "in the moment" for about 5 seconds before it goes off somewhere else.  Don't get me wrong, I love getting massages, they feel great.  But damn, can't I just let go for one hour once a month?

I've also been doing (or trying to do) yoga more often lately.  My PT is a big proponent of yoga because stretching is essential to healing those pelvic floor muscles.  The reason I say "trying" to do yoga is that I am the most inflexible person you will ever meet.  If I tried to touch my toes, I'd get to about halfway down my shin, and that's on a good day.  And let me tell you, when we go into downward dog and the yoga instructor says that this should be a relaxing and recuperative pose, I get quite irked because it is one of the hardest things in yoga for me to do.  But I'm trying.  I can't do regular yoga, it's too hard - I'm just not bendy enough.  But the YMCA does offer one Gentle Yoga class so I go to that every week (I'm the only person there under the age of 60).  I've ordered some gentle yoga DVDs to supplement and they're okay.  I guess they'll do.  I prefer doing it "live".  I also ordered a DVD that is called pelvic floor yoga so I'm looking forward to what that might have in store for me.  But again, with yoga, my mind is everywhere.  You're supposed to be focused on your breathing, in some magical yogic place, but most of the time my mind is jumping and spinning and doing things that my inflexible body could only dream of.  There was one time in yoga class - we were in savasana and then 5 minutes later I heard the instructor's voice.  I had actually left my mind during those 5 minutes!  I don't know where I went, but let me tell you, when I "awoke" it was incredible.  I really did feel so relaxed and at peace.  I've been trying to get back to that place ever since.  And maybe that's the problem.  I try so hard to relax that it's impossible.

I'm also taking anti-anxiety meds.  I so hope that these will help me relax.  That is what they're for, right?  We're still in the dosage faze, trying to get me to the right dosage that makes me relaxed but doesn't put me to sleep.  I think we're getting closer, but my mind still runs a million miles an hour most of the time.  I'm looking forward to having nothing on my mind.  Just for a few minutes here and there.  Is that possible?

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Intimacy Activities

So at the end of our most recent therapy session, our therapist charged us to each buy a sexy game to play that would be fun and intimate.  She also told us to keep our games a secret and not tell each other what we were getting.  That was kind of fun because we had no idea what the other person was going to get.  And there are a million sex games out there so we didn't have to worry about getting the same one.  So I researched online and read some reviews, trying to find a game that didn't focus on actual sex (you know, since we don't do that) and I settled on Fun in Bed.  We just played it and it really was fun.  I think I made a really good choice.

So here's how it goes.  It's a card game that comes with props: "a gentleman's tie, a lady's stocking and a feather to tickle your fancies."  There are 6 different types of cards: 1) Kiss Me; 2) Ask Me; 3) Tease Me (green for upper body, purple for lower body); 4) Please Me (black print sets the scene, blue is boy instruction, pink is girl instruction); 5) Surprise Me; 6) Talk to Me.

Here's basically how our game went:

 1. Each person picks a Kiss Me card, reads it, and passes it to his/her partner to act out its instructions.  We had: "Use the edge of your finger to stroke me from my throat to my jaw line.  Delicately cover my Adams Apple area with kisses.  Suck on my throat with your vampire bites" and "Ask me to close my eyes.  Imagine you are a stranger and not a word has ever passed between us but the sexual energy we are feeling speaks louder than words.  Approach and kiss me the way that you kissed me when we first met."

2. Each person picks an Ask Me card.  You act out the gesture written in italics and then ask the question/ give a command.  We had: "Rub your nose with the tip of their nose.  Whisper in my ear something you would like to do to a particular part of my body" and "Trace their jaw line.  What do you think about us taking erotic photographs of each other?".

 3. Next each person picks a purple Tease Me card, reads the instructions aloud, then passes it to the partner to play out.  We had: "Gag me with the tie, put the stocking on my leg and ask me 'Can I do?' questions as you remove items of clothing.  You must do the opposite of everything I want (I can only nod or shake my head in response).  Touch your favorite parts of my body and ask me your question." and "Tell me to lie down on my front and then tie my feet together.  Undo my clothes to reveal my underpants and pull them down slightly to half expose my bottom but don't take them off.  Tease my exposed area.  Kiss my cheeks enjoying your power.  Knead them, squeeze them and then lightly pummel them with your fists as you vary the speed of your actions.  Quickly kiss me up and down the back of my legs."

 4.  Now each person picks a green Tease Me card.  We had: "Take off my top and ask me to stretch my arms out wide with my palms facing up.  Using the feather trace a line from my wrist to my armpit, over my collarbone to my other hand.  Then slither your tongue all the way back along my arm and across my neck and shoulders to where you started, paying special attention to the back of my neck and my inner elbow.  Every now and then surprise me with a gentle nip."  and "While I am sitting down, take off my clothing to reveal one of my legs.  Tie the stocking around my thigh like a garter.  Focus your attention on the part of my leg below the garter.  Hold up my leg and start to kiss my foot as you run your hands along my calf and inner thigh, squeezing them firmly.  Lick and kiss me to behind my knee as you caress me leg.  Suck on my inner thigh below the garter and when you reach it, take it off with your teeth growling like a puppy."

 5. The next activity involves simultaneous use of Please Me, Talk to Me, and Surprise Me cards.  Here's how it went for us: You are acting suspiciously around your partner because you are a spy in a covert mission.  Your mission is to find the missing jewel.  Tie your partner's arms behind her back and search in her mouth, her hair, her hands, armpits and around her breasts.  Then Surprise Me (Nuzzle your way down my body.  Pause at my belly button and then move into my panties and inhale my scent.  Make small circles with your nose, first on my pubic bone and in my hair, then on my clitoris moving around and around.  Vary your pressure.)  You will only reveal the whereabouts of the missing jewel by spelling its location on his inner thigh with your tongue.  Do it and then Surprise Me (Nuzzle up next to me, while I pick a tune.  Hum the tune down my body, starting at my neck.  Move your mouth down to my pants and hum the tune over the fabric.  Pull off my pants taking my length in your hand and cupping my balls.  Take one of my balls in your mouth and start to hum again.  Change the pace and tone of your hum for full effect.)

 Wow, when I started this I had no idea how much I'd be typing!  But I wanted you to have a true idea.
Anyway, the game was fun.  It took about 45-60 minutes to do all that.  And what I like is that you can adjust it to what you're comfortable with.  Like, we did not do any clitoral licking nor did I put his balls in my mouth. We are not there yet.  But we made adjustments and just had some intimate fun, which was the whole point.  If intimacy is something you are struggling with I would recommend this game.  It takes a lot of pressure off because it's just light, sexy fun.

Friday, August 13, 2010

I'm feeling a bit discouraged...

And hopefully it won't last.  But here are the reasons why:
  • When I do my dilator exercises lately or I go to PT, I leave just feeling like my vagina has taken a beating.  I'm sore.  And maybe that's okay to be sore when you're working a muscle, but it's still not a pleasant feeling.  And I was so confident that I would just fly through PT this time because the atrophy in my vestibule is so much better, but I guess maybe I was a little over confident.
  • The random burning has returned.  It's not nearly what it used to be, but still, I thought I was done with that.  So now I have to take breaks from the Estradiol sometimes when the burning gets to be too much, which then makes me think that I am prolonging the healing of the atrophy.
  • I haven't had my period in two months.  Some may say this is a good thing because I haven't had to deal with all the crap that comes with a period, but it makes me feel worried.  I have always had a regular period, on or off birth control, until this last time that I went off BC.  I stopped taking it in March and ever since then my period has been erratic.  You'd think that now that I'm getting my hormones closer to where they should be that my period would be more regular, but so far that is not the case at all.  And every now and then I'll feel crampy or moody and think, okay, my period is finally coming, but then it doesn't.
  • My psychiatrist continues to increase my dosage of Clonazepam (anti-anxiety) because I still haven't felt any decrease in anxiety.  I'm up to .5 mg in the morning and 1 mg in the evening.  But how am I really supposed to know?  It's not going to be some magical change is it?  How do I know whether I'm feeling less anxiety now than I did when I started taking the drug 5 weeks ago?  Can someone tell me how I'm supposed to feel with less anxiety?  I've felt this way for so long I don't know how to recognize non-anxiety.
  • All of this has also decreased my desire to even try doing intimate things with my husband.  We're supposed to do a version of the naked cuddle most days (whether it be full-blown with emotional stretching or just a quicky), but I just haven't been in the mood lately.  I think it's just because I've been a bit down lately.
The other day when we did a naked cuddle I just started crying.  I couldn't explain why, I couldn't describe my emotions (I'm famous for this in therapy - I'm never able to verbalize how I feel and why the tears flow).  It always takes me a while to realize why I was crying several days before.  And now after writing all this down I guess I realize that I was crying because of all of the above.  I'm just discouraged.  I'm hoping that it's just a temporary thing.  I know that PT can go up and down - one day it's great and the next it's painful.  I guess I'm just ready to be done with all this.  I feel like I'm getting so close, but then a PT appointment makes me sore and it feels like a step back.  Maybe I'm just putting too much pressure on myself.

I do still have hope.