Spinning

Well I went to the YMCA yesterday and did a cycle class. I tried to be really gentle with the transitions from sitting to standing because that's where I can really make my vagina hurt. It went pretty well during the class and it was good to get back out there and do an exercise that I enjoy. Last night my vagina did burn a bit, and today I have noticed that I've been sitting more gingerly and I have a bit of burning. I think I will try to do spinning once a week and see how that goes. I don't want to over do it, but I also want to do spinning! It's such a good workout. I will have to take it slow and make sure that I'm not causing myself unnecessary pain just so I can get some exercise. That would defeat the purpose I think.

Some Positives

Okay so mostly I just want to complain and be sad and frustrated about all this, but there are some good things going on so in this post I will focus on those.

Last week my physical therapist told me that I can alternate the days that I do dilator exercises and stretching exercises. This may not seem like a big deal, but it is. That means that I have one less thing that I have to do every day! I am very excited about this and even in the last week I feel more relaxed than I have felt just knowing that when I get home each night I have one less thing on my plate.

My previous post was complaining about exercising. My feelings about exercising haven't changed much, but I do have a little positive exercising news. My wonderful husband, whose perpetual optimism is my lifeline through all this, continues to try and think of ways to make my life easier while I continue to work through all these problems. He has offered to exercise with me (even though he's in great shape and whatever we do really wouldn't be a "workout" for him) and he has tried to make suggestions of things that I can do. So this past weekend we went outside and played tennis! The weather was perfect (about 55 degrees) and I really had a lot of fun. We had so much fun that we actually played on Saturday and Sunday. It was great to get outside on a sunny day and run around a bit. Now that doesn't mean that my work week exercise problem is solved (not at all), but I do feel good that I got off my ass this weekend and exercised.

My husband really wants me to be able to celebrate every step of this process. I have a hard time with this because I just want to be fixed and moving up a dilator size just doesn't seem that exciting to me. But I know he's right so I am trying to focus on the positive and really celebrate each moment.

So here I am: today I am celebrating the fact that my daily routine has been shortened and that I exercised this weekend! It's a start. And I am in a pretty good mood today. I'm sure you know that when you have this problem every day is touch and go. I never know when a bad mood will hit me, or when I'll just feel completely down and defeated. But I also never know when I'll wake up and feel encouraged and positive. Today is a positive day and I'm thankful for it. I'm sending you all virtual positive feelings as well and I hope that you too have some positive days.

Exercise. Blah!!

Of course my doctors are telling me to exercise. Of course it will help my problem because exercise is magic and it helps all health-related problems. I get it. But I hate it. It's boring. It's tiring. When people say that exercising gives you more energy, I want to punch them. That may be true for some, but it's not for me. When people say words like "endorphins" and "runner's high" I think, "wow, that sounds nice. I wonder what that feels like.". I can work out consistently, 5 days a week for several months and I don't have any extra energy.

Here's what I have to do every day. 1-Go to work, which involves waking up at 5:30 am; 2-do my dilator exercises; 3-do my stretches; 4-do my kegels; 5-make dinner; 6-eat dinner; 7-clean up after dinner; 8-get ready for the next day; 9-take 30-60 minutes to relax. And that doesn't even include the days when I have meetings after work, work to do after work, doctor appointments, physical therapy appointments, and psychologist appointments! And I don't even have kids like a lot of you do.

I'm sorry, but when the hell am I supposed to exercise? And if you tell me that I should be exercising during my 30-60 minutes of relaxation time then I will punch you! Really, when should I fit that in?And another thing. The only exercise that I really enjoy is cycling. It's fun, it's challenging, and hey, guess what? It's like the worst thing you can do if you have vagina problems! Having that hard seat between your legs and jumping up and down really does not help the situation. But it's the only exercise that I like.

I just wanted to vent. It's hard to be a girl.