Dr. Goldstein has reached a point with me where he's not 100 percent sure of what to do next. My burning is still around and he normally can eliminate the burning with the estradiol gel. The next step that he would like to take is Botox injections. My husband and I are not sure about this for several reasons:
1. Dr. G isn't guaranteeing anything with botox - it's just his best guess as to what might help.
2. And this is the main concern. Once I get botox, theoretically I should have no pain in the vestibule area for a couple months. This means that during that time is when my husband and I would really need to get serious about sex and penises inside vaginas. We are both concerned that the timing with botox might be very important. What if I get the botox, everything's great physical-wise, but the minute his penis goes inside me I freak out? I think the fact that I've been very down lately, feeling hopeless, and unhorny and undesireous of sexual acts makes both of us worry that it might be too soon to consider numbing the vagina because maybe the emotions won't be able to take it. Does that makes sense?
Our therapist made a good point though. She said that as long as the pain is there, the fear will be there. And as long as the fear is there, it's highly unlikely that I will get any desire back until it is proven over and over and over again that I can have sex without pain. She also said, taking sex totally out of the picture, what if getting botox just made the burning go away and nothing else? Wouldn't it still be worth it? Well, yeah, I guess so.
This is why we need a therapist. My husband and I were thinking about it in a sex/no sex way with the botox. And our ultimate hope in using botox is to be able to have sex pain-free. But what if we still have sexual issues after the botox (inevitably we will because it won't solve all the mental stuff) but the burning is gone? I just can't imagine! It would be so wonderful to not have burning. I could ride a bike, I could sit for more than an hour, my life would be changed in many very small, but significant ways.
And when I think about it that way, I'm inclined to say yes to Botox. I mean, how can it hurt? Will it give me pain free sex? Who knows. If it does give me pain free sex will my emotions be able to handle it and will I get my libido back? Who knows. Will it cure the burning? Who knows. Is it worth a try? I think so.
Any thoughts? Anyone with Botox experience?