Monday, February 28, 2011

A Silver Lining

Definitely not platinum; not even white gold.  But as my mom likes to say, "beggars can't be choosers," so I guess I'll take it.  I had a sex dream the other night.  It has been many, many months since I've had any sexy-type dreams.  And then I had another one last night!  I'm hoping that this is a positive sign and that the testosterone might finally be doing something in my body.  I used to have sex dreams all the time and then they just stopped (I can't even remember how long it's been).  Now if I could just have sexy day dreams that would be awesome.

I also joined a book club recently.  I love to read and I decided that it would be nice to read a book and have a group of people with whom to talk to about it (especially since all my friends live in other states and I basically have no one to hang out with except my husband.)  I think that the book club has lifted my spirits as well.  I think just being able to hang out with some women and talk about books and movies for several hours has been really mentally healing for me.  I've met with them twice.  I hope that the book club continues to be a relaxing outlet for me to just hang out and be normal for a few hours.

I have been in a deeply dark place for a long while now.  I have been feeling a little less sorry for myself in, like, the last few days.  I hope it continues.  I still try not to think about the hard stuff too much - it just brings me down.  If I start thinking about my gigantic fear that I will never want sex again I start to panic.  If I think about how my clock is ticking and how much I want to have children I start to panic.  If I look around my tiny apartment and really see the massive clutter everywhere I start to panic.  But at least now I have something to distract me: books.  Books, TV, movies, and sewing projects (and this blog) are definitely my coping mechanisms.  I can escape into another world for at least a little while.

And you know what?  The sun is shining and the temperature is going up.  I don't think any of us can deny that good weather is always a spirit lifter.


Jaene said...

I am so happy that spring is getting close!! Winter depression is killing me:( I am happy to hear that you are getting out and socializing more! It really does help. I am also very happy to hear that you have found a "silver lining"!!!

the girl with pain "down there" said...

Thanks Jaene. I haven't talked to you in a while. How is everything going for you? Have you seen any sunny days yet?

Husban said...

That seems like a pretty big milestone! Congrats.

I was wondering how your pain levels are going and if you have noticed any difference from the valium suppositories? My wife just had her 3rd Dr G visit and that is what he added to her lineup. We are still waiting on her hormone levels, so not sure if she will get a new cream, stay on the same, or ....

the girl with pain "down there" said...

I have heard that most women feel immediate relief with the valium suppositories, however I feel nothing. I don't feel any kind of numbing effect with the valium. I used them faitfully for about 3-4 weeks, but I haven't used them in about a week because they are so unpleasant during the day. You put them in at night and they dissolve, but then all through the day you're leaking. All day - leaking. I can hardly take it. If I felt like the valium was actually relaxing the pc muscles, I would deal with the leaking, but I just don't feel any difference.

Your wife should try them though. I'm a freak of nature - nothing works on me. But I've heard that most people have great success with valium. Good luck.