After more than two years of no penis/vagina contact, we have finally taken the first step to getting back to intercourse. My husband and I have a plan to loosely follow the steps outlined in the book Completely Overcome Vaginismus. We decided to start with partial insertion of the penis. First I took a bath to relax my muscles (and some Valium to relax my mind). Then we did some dilating first using my husband's finger, just to make sure that all the muscles were nice and loose. The next step was to put in the largest dilator for a few seconds, then I pulled out the dilator and directly put the penis in. I was on top so that I had all the control. Of course we used lots of lube during this whole process.
It felt tight, but okay. My husband's penis is large (and sadly that is not something I want to brag about) so it definitely felt like it was stretching, but it wasn't necessarily a painful stretch. The partial insertion really felt so easy that I decided to just go all the way down and have his whole penis inside. It was easy enough to get there, but it was definitely stretchy. We hung out there for a few minutes and I tried moving my body around to see which positions were the most or least comfortable. The most comfortable position with me on top was to have my torso sort curved in a C position, kind of like a hunch-back. I'm not sure I could actually have sex this way because it would hurt my back if I was like that for too long, but at this point we're just experimenting to see what's the least painful on my vagina (specifically the urethra/G-spot that is the most painful spot for me). After a few minutes we separated and layed down for a bit, then we decided to try it again just for extra stretching.
Overall I think it was a big success. We agreed from the beginning that there would be no expectation of pleasure - that this was more of a step in the process of getting to the point of real intercourse. There was no moving in and out - that will come later. But it's been two years and I finally got that phallus back in my chalice! :)
We will do this a few more times and then move on to the next step.
Yay for us!