Monday, May 16, 2011

The Sword Has Found Its Sheath

After more than two years of no penis/vagina contact, we have finally taken the first step to getting back to intercourse.  My husband and I have a plan to loosely follow the steps outlined in the book Completely Overcome Vaginismus.  We decided to start with partial insertion of the penis.  First I took a bath to relax my muscles (and some Valium to relax my mind).  Then we did some dilating first using my husband's finger, just to make sure that all the muscles were nice and loose.  The next step was to put in the largest dilator for a few seconds, then I pulled out the dilator and directly put the penis in.  I was on top so that I had all the control.  Of course we used lots of lube during this whole process.

It felt tight, but okay.  My husband's penis is large (and sadly that is not something I want to brag about) so it definitely felt like it was stretching, but it wasn't necessarily a painful stretch.  The partial insertion really felt so easy that I decided to just go all the way down and have his whole penis inside.  It was easy enough to get there, but it was definitely stretchy.  We hung out there for a few minutes and I tried moving my body around to see which positions were the most or least comfortable.  The most comfortable position with me on top was to have my torso sort curved in a C position, kind of like a hunch-back.  I'm not sure I could actually have sex this way because it would hurt my back if I was like that for too long, but at this point we're just experimenting to see what's the least painful on my vagina (specifically the urethra/G-spot that is the most painful spot for me).  After a few minutes we separated and layed down for a bit, then we decided to try it again just for extra stretching.

Overall I think it was a big success.  We agreed from the beginning that there would be no expectation of pleasure - that this was more of a step in the process of getting to the point of real intercourse.  There was no moving in and out - that will come later.  But it's been two years and I finally got that phallus back in my chalice!   :)

We will do this a few more times and then move on to the next step.

Yay for us!


Elaine said...

That's so awesome!! Congratulations!

Esther said...

Yay for you guys! It's got to feel rewarding to work so hard for something and then finally be able to do it. You are an inspiration for us all!

annie said...

CONGRATS!!! that is soooo wonderful!! i'm super happy for you, and especially that you were "just" feeling stretching, and not pain.

way to go, girl!! :)

xAx said...

This is amazing news! So so happy for you. I was shocked to read that you went for you on top... I haven't managed to get to that stage yet. I have always found it easier with him on top.
Great to read of your progress :)

the girl with pain "down there" said...

Thanks for all the well wishes everyone. We still have a long way to go, but we're excited about the first step.

xAx, when I used to have sex I also preferred being on the bottom, but during this experimental phase we decided that I should be on top so that I would have total control. Being on top means that I can control the depth and also separate exactly when I want to. I'm sure we will try me on the bottom eventually, as well as several other positions that my PT recommended.

Living with Vaginismus said...

Congratulations! You give me hope.

Sloan said...

That is great news! I think I might read that book you mentioned. I still have pain with a medium dilator, so I'm not quite where you are. But I LOVE hearing about your progress. :)

atara said...

thank you so much for sharing so openly. i take courage in knowing that women are telling their stories.

Becca said...

I second Atara!!