Saturday, February 27, 2010

Book Review: Completely Overcome Vaginismus

Like many of you I'm sure, I've read tons of books on the subject of vaginal pain and how to treat it. I thought it might be informative to write about these books in case you're in search for some good vaginal reading material. I will start with the latest book I read called Completely Overcome Vaginismus: The Practical Approach to Pain-Free Intercourse.

First I want to say that I really like this book. It is actually a set of two books - Book 1 is the book I read and will be talking about here, and Book 2 is the personal journal and workbook that is made as a companion for Book 1. It uses a 10-step plan and I personally find plans to be much easier when there are well-defined steps. The steps start with being able to properly identify your PC muscle group, learning how to control those muscles, and slowly building to inserting things into the vagina (by things I mean fingers, dilators, tampons, etc). They also include some steps that involve emotions and trying to figure out what events happened in your past that contribute to the involuntary muscle contractions.

Because I've been going to the physical therapist for so long and I see a psychologist every week, I have already done most of these steps, however I still think that this book has some value for me. My personal focus will be on the last few steps, which walk you through the transition from dilator to penis. I had said in an earlier therapy session that even when I am physically ready to have a penis in my vagina, the thought of it is terrifying. How could I go from putting plastic dilators in my vagina and then just one day jumping onto a penis? My therapist assured me that there would be steps in between, but I didn't have a clear idea of what those were until I read this book. There are, in fact, many steps in between dilator and penis and I will be sure to refer to this book when I get to that point.

I am going to especially recommend this book to anyone who, for whatever reason, can't go to a physical therapist. I get most of what this book offers from the PT, but if you don't have insurance or you just can't afford a PT or whatever your reason is, you should know that there are still things that you can be doing to get your body on a healing path. And this book is a much less expensive way of starting physical therapy without actually going to a PT (we're talking $34 for Books 1 & 2 versus thousands).

I will say that the emotional stuff in this book is not enough for me. It might be for you, but I am so screwed up in the head that I need more than a book and some daily affirmations (one thing that the book recommends you do) to get my mind on a randy path. I know that for a lot of you out there, you are ready and horny and can't wait for your vagina to get better so you can get some! For me it's much more complicated and reading 100 books would not give me what I need (hence the reason I see a psychologist every week). But, like I said, I still really like this book and I think it's a valuable read.

Please let me know if you have any questions about this book by replying to this post or emailing me at


Kim said...

I just ordered the book! This was the only review I could find on the internet that seemed honest.

The whole buying a book and reading affirmations every day and doing exercises is a little nerve racking! Thanks for the review.

the girl with pain "down there" said...

I'm so glad my book review helped you! The affirmations part was definitely not down my alley, but I'm sure they are very helpful for some people (peope who aren't already seeing a therapist and doing enough head-work as it is!) And I'm sure you can taylor what they recommend to what works for you. Good luck! Let me know how it goes.

Maypaki said...

Primary Vaginismus.
If you have it, then your body is NOT designed for sex.

It is God's way of telling a woman that she is DESTINED to become a nun or celibate.
So if you have it, go on and BECOME A NUN.
That's because it is God's way of controlling the global population. God created women with such sexual dysfunction to keep them away from sex and thus preventing conception.

Unfortunately, most women don't realize it and would still go through days and weeks of
therapy which is just time consuming.

Trying to remedy your condition is against God's will.
God does NOT want you to have sex.
If your a woman, don't get married & don't have sex if your VAGINA wont let you.

God had CLOSED the gates of your virginity.
It is time to give up on men and become a NUN.

VAGINISMUS may be the answer to overpopulation.
God truly works in strange ways.

the girl with pain "down there" said...


While I respect your right to believe all of the above, I completely disagree. I do not have Primary Vaginismus, but even if I did, I would not accept that it is God's will that I have constant pain in my vagina and should become a nun. A person's decision to become a nun has nothing to do with her vagina, and for you to say that it is the answer to overpopulation is an insult (both to nuns and to women with vaginismus). If you have vaginismus and have found strenth in becoming and nun, then I wish you all the best. But that's not a solution for most.

Maypaki said...

Hey! Don't be pissed off.
I am a happily single MAN who thinks that sex is NOT a necessity.
Sex is just a choice.

I am satisfied with Masturbation.
If I can PLEASE MYSELF, then there is NO NEED for me to have sex.

Masturbation is enough to keep me satisfied.

I always wish my younger sister had Primary Vaginismus to PREVENT her from getting married.
Because she has AUTISM.
For me, people with Autism DON'T deserve to get married and have babies.

Oh how I really pity those girls who feel very depressed, frustrated and become suicidal because they have Primary Vaginismus.

They don't know their DESTINY.
..that they have a HIGHER CALLING FROM GOD.

If they become nuns, then their lives will be MUCH MORE meaningful.

So girls, please DON'T be depressed. Follow your DESTINY.

GOD has reasons for everything.

the girl with pain "down there" said...

So, women with sexual dysfunction AND people with autism - any other disabilities you want to single out that God has decided to use as population controllers?

I don't know why you're reading my blog....

I'm not depressed and my DESTINY is not to be a nun or to be celibate.

Since you are a MAN, then you don't understand so I don't know why you are putting your two cents in to begin with.

If you have found your DESTINY that's great, but don't tell me what mine is.

the girl with pain "down there" said...

I have decided to delete any further comments from Maypaki. This blog is meant to be informative and helpful to women - not a platform for someone pushing women to become nuns. I am a believer in freedom of expression, but this is my blog and I feel that Maypaki is making it toxic; he has made his point quite clear and we don't need to hear any more. We are here to help each other, to learn, and to heal.

Anonymous said...

I have Vaginismus and married to the most loving man.. the pain during sexual intercourse has become depressing to me and I am honestly thinking of ordering this book based on your review. I wish you all the luck in overcoming the pain as well..

the girl with pain "down there" said...

The book is helpful in trying to figure out what to do and in what order to do it. Also, if it's becoming depressing to you, you might want to consider seeing a sex therapist. My husband and I go and it really helps us work through the damage that these vagina issues have caused in our marriage. It also helps me personally in letting go of some of that guilt and letting myself understand that it's just like having any other illness and that I shouldn't feel guilty because my husband can't get any sex. Thanks for your well wishes - I wish you the same.

Anonymous said...

How can you be so patient with this weirdo f*ckwit ! His neurotic comments are not even worth responding to - can't you delete them completely ? No one wants to read his inane nutcase ramblings.

the girl with pain "down there" said...

Here's why I chose to keep his first 2 comments (later ones where deleted) on my blog: In dealing with this pain on a daily basis I often feel sorry for myself. I cry, I feel like a loser, I feel guilty. When I read the comments by Maypaki I had a temporary relief from the ever-increasing sadness. His comments made me furious. His completely ludicrous and insulting comments made me stand up for myself and realize that I am worth something and that just because I can't have sex right now that doesn't mean that my life totally sucks. At least for a little while I felt mad instead of sad, and to be honest, for me at least, mad feels better than sad.

Becca said...

Thank you for your post on the books! I have been diagnosed with primary vaginismus and my husband and I have never been able to have sex. :( I ordered these books in 2008 (along with the dialators). I got incredibly discouraged and quit even trying for a long time. Last year I finally went to see a therapist about it and she helped me find a new doctor who was willing to help me. I'm on the road to recovery but its taking much longer than I wanted. My doctor has recommended a physical therapist but do you think its really worth it? The idea of it terrifies me, I don't really want some stranger messing with me trying to make things work, but I feel like I should be open to trying it. You don't know how happy it made me to just find this blog post! I love knowing I'm not alone!! :D

candee said...

I cannot tell you how much I love this book an program! It changed my life, I suffered with vaginismus for years and finally got up the courage to take control! I ordered this book with the treatment kit from the website (kit comes with the books), and within 7 months I was able to have intercourse for the first time! My husband and I have never been happier or loved each other more. I am here to tell people that you can overcome vaginismus and I am proof of that! I am not sure if there is a link to the site but here is where I found the kit

Secondly, to the person posting inflammatory remarks to women on here, I am a Christian and God does not intend for women to suffer from this! Remember man brought sin into the world, thus we live in a broken world and as such we have problems like vaginismus. There are many times throughout the Bibe where God shows his redeeming power healing men and women of many things including a women who had been bleeding for over 10 years. God is a healing and redemptive God!

Anonymous said...

Hello all. I am a woman who was diagnosed 20 (or so) yrs ago with Vag. I am now (soon 2 b) 43. Obtained a full kit about 2yrs ago and within maybe 2 months, was able to insert ALL of the dilators. Which (for me) was a major achievement...MAJOR. I love the site...I love the kit. Unfortunately, 20 plus yrs was very frustrating 4 my husband and we have grown apart sexually. I'm hoping we will b able to reconnect and truly enjoy a real & fulfilling sexual relationship now that we have this kit (if I can ever get him to work on it with me).

Blessings & success to u all! <3

Tiffany said...

I just got my book and all the materials. It is so nice to know that I am not alone. I cannot tell you how nice it is to now have a label with my condition. I have been battling with this for years and has greatly affected my marriage. I am 22 years old, and I would get severely depressed, frustrated and hurt about my condition. I felt like I was abnormal and broken. But now I feel empowered and excited about what is to come. I cannot wait to start this program.

Stay strong and good luck everyone!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for an honest review! I will recommend my wife to read your review.

As a catholic I strongly disagree with Maypaki. I believe that it would be disastrous for anyone to become a celibate for God (nun, monk or priest) for any of the negative reasons given by him. Making such a decision should always be based on a positive longing for the other, for God, just like the decision to marry should be based on a positive longing for the beloved!

That's my two cents...