Okay so mostly I just want to complain and be sad and frustrated about all this, but there are some good things going on so in this post I will focus on those.
Last week my physical therapist told me that I can alternate the days that I do dilator exercises and stretching exercises. This may not seem like a big deal, but it is. That means that I have one less thing that I have to do every day! I am very excited about this and even in the last week I feel more relaxed than I have felt just knowing that when I get home each night I have one less thing on my plate.
My previous post was complaining about exercising. My feelings about exercising haven't changed much, but I do have a little positive exercising news. My wonderful husband, whose perpetual optimism is my lifeline through all this, continues to try and think of ways to make my life easier while I continue to work through all these problems. He has offered to exercise with me (even though he's in great shape and whatever we do really wouldn't be a "workout" for him) and he has tried to make suggestions of things that I can do. So this past weekend we went outside and played tennis! The weather was perfect (about 55 degrees) and I really had a lot of fun. We had so much fun that we actually played on Saturday and Sunday. It was great to get outside on a sunny day and run around a bit. Now that doesn't mean that my work week exercise problem is solved (not at all), but I do feel good that I got off my ass this weekend and exercised.
My husband really wants me to be able to celebrate every step of this process. I have a hard time with this because I just want to be fixed and moving up a dilator size just doesn't seem that exciting to me. But I know he's right so I am trying to focus on the positive and really celebrate each moment.
So here I am: today I am celebrating the fact that my daily routine has been shortened and that I exercised this weekend! It's a start. And I am in a pretty good mood today. I'm sure you know that when you have this problem every day is touch and go. I never know when a bad mood will hit me, or when I'll just feel completely down and defeated. But I also never know when I'll wake up and feel encouraged and positive. Today is a positive day and I'm thankful for it. I'm sending you all virtual positive feelings as well and I hope that you too have some positive days.